Reconnection Challenege: Integrative Space

For the past week, I’ve continued to focus on hearing space. In short, I’ve been doing the best I can to find the peace within the chaos. This week has been challenging, but here’s what I’ve gleaned:

1. Voices have increased and identified themselves as elements and various trees I’ve met. I’m quite entertained because, I’m starting to physically hear what usually comes to me as knowing.

2. The void is unity. Everything comes from it and returns to it. All that ever was and ever will be resides in that space.

3. The more I listen to what’s seemingly outside of me, the more I can actually hear myself. It’s often been a challenge for me to hear myself clearly. I often hear everything else but me.

4. The neighborhood cat has started talking to me. I don’t understand it fully yet, but we’ll see. Stranger things have happened to me than talking cats.

This week I’d like play more in the void and see what comes up and out. I am curious to better understand the link between the void and this realm. I have a feeling the answer is somewhere in my body. We’ll see what happens.

 

 

A tree said….

One day, A tree said that I needed to root and ground into my treeness. The idea made not a damn lick of sense at the time, but slowly grew on me. It’s a beautiful thing to stay rooted and grounded in the essence of who you are; allowing your essence to blossom forth as your expression. It’s an ideal way of being.

How to remain connected with and rooted into my essence never seemed clear to me. Upon expressing my confusion, I was told to drink more water. Water would teach me how to stay in myself no matter what surrounds me. I drank water. I better understood the tree’s advice but, I was still having trouble physically applying the wisdom I was given.

Then shit happened and I fell off the face of the Earth 🤷🏿‍♀️

Three months later I feel closer to my treeness. The missing part was my emotions as a com link.

Emotions help me stay in integrity. They speak from the core of my being; helping me understand what needs to stay, what needs to go, and what I need more of. I cannot practice treeness- staying rooted and grounded in the essence of who I am without honoring my own internal communication system.

Das it. I just need to hear myself and honor my emotions.

As I honor my own emotions, it feels easier to accept others without being responsible for their happiness. What other people do is about them and their emotions. It’s not about me. What matters is that I remain rooted and grounded in myself. Whatever pops up I can navigate by being honest with myself and having faith in Mother Nature.

Honoring my emotions seems to allow for my needs always being met. Since I can be honest with my about what I need I can more easily receive it. It may not come as I expect but my needs are and always have been met.

Spider

In the past couple of weeks spider has come to visit a few times. It’s not been in one of her more cute and cuddly forms, either. What’s been showing up is quite large and gnarly. After a chat with a friend and a little bit of introspection, Spider reminds me of all the things that I’m not seeing.

Connecting with the silence between chaotic events is helpful. However, there are things that I know and see without doing all of that. When I am just open present and doing nothing, I see and know powerfully. It’s who I am. However Spider is reminding me of all I am choosing not to see. I’m choosing not to see because what I see hurts.

There’s a great deal of intuition I’ve shut off because I’m overwhelmed by pain that isn’t mine. Some of it belongs to people close to me. Some of it is in the air. I can’t deny that it hurts deeply to know that so many around me are in pain. I can’t touch, absorb, or transmute this pain because it’s not mine. This hurts because transforming pain into joy is what I do.

So, what do I do now? I have no damn idea! I just know that I need to do something different. Being shut down sucks!

Thankfully there is space today to connect more with Spider and My Ancestors. I’m sure someone has something interesting to say <3

Until next time.. take precious care!

 

Reconnection Challenge: Space

Seeking the silence mentioned in the previous post has been amazing. The more I seek it, the more I hear it. Here is what I’ve noticed over the past few days:

The more I seek that space the more things re-arrange themselves for me to connect with it. Children stop talking. Husbands peacefully leave the apartment. Traffic slows down. It’s wild.

This space sounds different with my left ear than with my right. The left ear sounds/feel likes a portal to some cosmic void. I can feel things stirring, pressing their way into reality. When I focus enough sound becomes a physical sensation. This is new for me.  I’m used to voices, impressions, vision and knowing– not physical feeling. My right ear hears the silence of the green–not the cosmic void. Normally I don’t hear things that way. My right ear chills on my head. My left ear does the spiritual lifting.

My challenge for the week: Keep listening! Keep noticing! I’m curious to see if I can find the space where the cosmic void and the Green connect <3

Until next time, Take precious care

Finding Peace in Chaos

Earlier this week, a new Voice popped up. I hear lots of things. Trees, cats, hidden folk, plants… But this voice was new and said the most interesting thing.

The voice told me that there is a way to keep my ears and heart open even when life gets demanding. It said I needed to hear the silence behind the chaos of life. This silence is the organizing principle of life. It is the void from which we all come. If I root myself in that silence I’ll find stability by understanding how things work and being able to better discern what’s coming.

The voice also suggested enjoying the peace between chaotic events. If I seek the peace between events, I will be more rested. Although my energy will be ebb and flow, I will be more harmonious with the land I live on and the flow of my life.

The interesting thing is, that ever since that voice spoke I can hear the silence behind everything. It’s more distinguishable when everyone is sleeping or I’m not agitated. However, I’m noticing that silence is always there– even in the midst of chaos.

I also love the idea of enjoying peace when it comes. I have a habit of being on all the time. Part of it is being a mother to two young boys, but another part is just me. I need to better discern when I can turn off and turn off.

I have a feeling this is a reconnection challenge and that I should really focus on this for the next week. But, we are on the last week of holidays in France <3 I’m going to be a wee lazy and come back to this next week <3

Until next time, take precious care

Mommying Mommy: See what had happened was…

One morning, I woke up with the inspiration that I have given special meaning to events in my life that maybe don’t mean what I think they do.

No, that’s a lie. This inspiration came from Karen C.L. Anderson’s work. I guess this somehow proves the point. Everyday things happen. I ascribe meaning to these things that happen. Oddly enough, the meaning I ascribe to things often fit a narrative. If I choose to see things from a different light, I can shift the way I perceive myself and my life. I can begin to shift my narrative.

Now, I am not talking about selling myself horse shit in guise of fudge. I am talking about seeing the past from an adult’s perspective rather than that of a child’s. The pain, frustration and anger are still there and reasonable given the circumstances. However, there is a context that provides space for compassion and lightness that wasn’t there before.

It feels so soothing. Like peanut butter, I want to slather my new perspective all over my bitterness in hopes of creating something delicious. I can’t lie. I’ve found some yummy, but I’ve also come to see myself quite differently. I don’t feel like such a fuck up anymore. I just feel lost and forever in an odd space of transition. The messed up thing is, I can see where I lost myself too. It’s sad to see. But it also means that I can find myself again too 🙂

If anything, Motherhood gives you many opportunities to recreate and transform as your kids do. In fact, I feel like being a mother demands it in some ways. We’ll see what comes up next. Until next time…

Take precious care!

J

 

 

Still in the body: The French Edition

For the past couple of weeks, I have been enjoying grounding myself in the morning. I wake up, call all of me into my body. Ask whatever ain’t mine to leave and then proceed to ground my chakras, and protect my auric field.

This has been awesome! I feel much more connected and integrated with my body, the land around me and the house I live in 🙂 I can hear more, which is helpful although sometimes overwhelming. Being clairaudient is another post all together.

Any who, my ground practice changed when we went to Paris to visit family. In France, I didn’t need to ground. All I did was check all was connected and aligned. That’s all that was needed. I was chilling and at peace in my body! The same was true when we visited Montpellier in the South. In France I was at ease in my body and connected to the Earth in a natural way that didn’t require constant upkeep.

Now that I am back in the US, I find it easier to ground myself than when I left. But, I have to keep a closer watch. I am much more prone to popping out of myself here. I am much more fearful and anxious here. To be honest, I felt so much fear about returning to the US, I didn’t want to come back.

My fear and anxiety have a few sources. I am black. That’s enough to be anxious about things these day. However, the root of my anxiety is in the trauma I’ve experienced here while growing up. I am still actively working through it while still figuring out how to cope with triggers. Even though there were quite a few triggers in France, I could actually see why I was triggered, address it and return to calm quickly there. Here in the US, I fear that I won’t be as swiftly effective. Not to mention, France feels like a free zone. I am far away from what terrorizes me in the US. An ocean of distance is quite different than a trip down the road.

There seems to be a few keys to being in the US safely and calmly in my body. First, I feel like it’s important to honor my anxiety and fear. They are justified 🙂 Second, I need to change how I interact with myself and others. I need to live and be in a way that allows me to be safe. Third I need to cultivate a deeper relationship with my body and emotions. Both my body and emotions let me know when I am in danger. Rather than seeking to silence my fear and anxiety I can learn to embrace and hear them. I can honor their purpose and move from there.

We’ll see what unfolds from here 🙂 Take Precious Care of you!

Infinite Blessings

J

Still in the body: Hearing & Honoring the Body’s wisdom..

I am working my way through the book: Healing Trauma, by Peter A. Levine. Reading this book is a helpful kick in the head. Much of it is repackaged stuff I learned from the Earth while in Portland, Oregon and Montpellier, France. If anything, this book is teaching me to better honor the wisdom I receive from the Earth. I forget things when I move 🙁

Levine offers an exercise where you track sensation in the body. He suggests grounding, and fully entering your body. Then focusing on an object of safety, like a picture, or a stone, or a friend. Next he suggests alternating your focus between your object of safety and sensation in your body.

I found this practice helpful because it brought me into my body to actually listen; not just to be there. (I need purpose for doing things, otherwise I don’t do them.)  It’s been so long since I actually cultivated a relationship with my body outside of keeping it clean, fed, and sexed. It was nice to feel tension in certain parts and then receive wisdom as how to best relieve the tension. My body told me why certain parts hurt they way they do and how to better balance my own energy. I have a better understanding of what’s going on with my body and why. I love understanding 🙂

However, I would not have been able to do this practice without having spent a few weeks fully grounding my chakras and my self every morning. Grounding brought me into contact with my body and the Earth. It’s hard to know what is going on in a house until you enter it and spend some time there. I am finding the same is true with my body.

This has been very productive. I look forward to building a better relationship with my body. I know it’s wisdom will support me in living more peacefully.